Women Leaders Psychological Safety: How Kerry Siggins Turned “You’re Erratic” Into Her Best Leadership Lesson

Last updated: September 3, 2026

Trusted by leaders at Stanford University, Ernst & Young, Autodesk, MGM Grand Resorts, and Farmers Insurance

Executive Summary: The word that stung most in StoneAge CEO Kerry Siggins’ toughest feedback moment was the word that was true. Here’s her litmus test for real feedback, how she builds psychological safety without losing accountability, and how women leaders navigate the double bind.

Quick Takeaways:

• If feedback “stings,” there’s probably truth in it worth examining
• Psychological safety and accountability aren’t opposites — done right, they build each other
• The double bind is real: women who are direct risk being called aggressive
• Influence matters more than being right — and it changes how feedback lands
• U.S. employee engagement hit a decade-low of 31% in early 2026

Jump to:
The Feedback Story · Spotting Valid Feedback ·
Safety vs. Accountability · The Double Bind ·
Action Plan · FAQ

As an executive leadership coach with over 30 years of experience (MA, MFT, PCC) working with Fortune 50–1000 companies, I’ve watched brilliant women leaders freeze in two different ways: some can’t tell which feedback to take seriously and which to release, and others have been burned so badly by being called “too direct” that they’ve gone quiet. Both patterns erode psychological safety — theirs, and their team’s.

This is Part Two of my conversation with Kerry Siggins, CEO of StoneAge and author of Talk With Trust: How to Own Feedback, Spark Growth, and Build Stronger Teams. In Part One, we walked through her SHARES framework for difficult conversations. Here, we go deeper into the moment that started it all — the day a trusted colleague told her she was “erratic” — and what she’s learned since about telling real feedback from noise, building psychological safety without losing accountability, and the double bind that so many women leaders still navigate every day.

The Feedback That Almost Cost Kerry Siggins Her COO — And Changed Her Leadership

Kerry had spent a year having what she thought were deep, honest conversations with her COO. Then, in a discussion about his role and growth path, it came out all at once: “You think you’re this inspiring CEO who disrupts the industry, but really what you are is erratic, and you’re really hard to work for. You’re the problem.” Kerry’s first instinct was to fire him. She paused instead — because, as she told me, “I don’t want to react in the moment.”

That pause is the whole story. Kerry went home, sat with the feedback, and asked herself a simple question: what’s true about this? She landed on one word — erratic — and traced it back to something real: her fast pace and love of new ideas could look, from the outside, like constant direction-changing. She decided, in that moment, to become a “cool, calm, and collected, unflappable leader.” It changed how she led. It also cost her the relationship — the way the feedback was delivered damaged the trust between them beyond repair, and her COO eventually left the company. Both things were true at once: the feedback was a gift, and the delivery broke something. That tension is exactly why psychological safety matters — not as comfort, but as the structure that lets hard truths get said before they explode.

How to Tell Valid Feedback From Noise

Kerry’s litmus test is disarmingly simple: if it stings, there’s probably some truth to it. She described being called “disingenuous” by someone recently and letting it go completely — because it didn’t sting. She knows who she is on that dimension. But “erratic” stung, because some part of her recognized it. That sting is data.

The follow-up question matters just as much: is this feedback about who I am, or about someone else’s perception and unmet need? “Just because something hits your identity,” Kerry said, “doesn’t mean that person is right or wrong — it just means they’re seeing things differently.” Her advice for women leaders receiving feedback that challenges their identity: get curious, ask for examples, and then decide. “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be accurate?” Accuracy requires asking questions. Being right just requires defending your position.

She also named something every leader has lived: most of what reaches you has already been filtered. The brain can only process a tiny fraction of available information, and the person giving you feedback is filtering it further through their own fear of your reaction. The fix is direct: ask “what are you not saying right now?” and genuinely invite the rest.

Psychological Safety vs. Accountability: Why They’re Not Opposites

Most leaders treat psychological safety and accountability as a tradeoff — soft versus firm, safe versus serious. Kerry rejects that framing entirely. “There can be accountability in how you’re addressing any kind of challenge through dialogue,” she said. Her practice: after a hard conversation, put recurring check-ins on the calendar — not as a punishment, but as a standing space to talk about progress, struggles, and wins. “My manager really cares about me” and “I’m being held accountable” become the same sentence, not opposite ones. Accountability only becomes destructive to psychological safety when it’s used as a weapon instead of a rhythm.

This is the same territory I mapped out recently in a LinkedIn post on the three pillars of trust — and two of them apply directly here.

Authenticity breaks when a leader hides a mistake to protect their image instead of admitting when they’re wrong — exactly what Kerry avoided by sitting with “erratic” instead of dismissing it. And reliability breaks when accountability only shows up when something goes wrong instead of on a consistent rhythm — which is precisely why Kerry’s recurring check-ins work: the consistency itself is what makes accountability feel like care instead of a threat.

The Double Bind: When Direct Reads as Aggressive

I asked Kerry directly: women leaders often face a double bind — direct enough to be respected reads as aggressive; warm enough to be liked reads as weak. How do you navigate it? Her answer came from experience: a fellow board member once told her, in front of a long-time customer, that she was “aggressive” and an “overachiever” — framed as a flaw. “There’s no way he would have ever said that to a man,” she said.

This isn’t just anecdote. New 2026 research out of INSEAD confirms the bind is still fully intact: promotion-focused language — bold, action-oriented, opportunity-framed — tends to clash with gendered expectations for women leaders, while prevention-focused, risk-aware language can reinforce perceptions of low competence, a tension that gets sharper under crisis or high pressure. Separate research on women serving as corporate board directors found something even more troubling: the constant work of switching between “warmth” tactics and “competence” tactics to avoid backlash is itself a driver of the disproportionate burnout many women in leadership report — the double bind isn’t just unfair, it’s exhausting in a measurable way.

Kerry’s shift wasn’t to soften herself — it was to change what she was optimizing for. “I changed my perspective: do I want to be right, or do I want to influence?” When someone in a meeting takes her idea and repeats it as their own, she no longer takes it personally. “That’s a great idea, let’s build on that” gets her further than proving the idea was hers first. Influence, not being right, became her north star — and it’s a reframe available to any woman leader caught in the double bind.

You don’t have to shrink to be trusted.

The FREE Leading Before You’re Ready Playbook gives you language and a framework for navigating exactly this — leading with directness and building the trust that gets you promoted.

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Implement This Week: Building Psychological Safety Without Losing Accountability

1. (10 minutes) Recall the last piece of feedback that stung. Write down exactly why it stung — what did it touch that you believe about yourself?
2. (15 minutes) Separate what’s accurate from what’s someone else’s unmet expectation. Ask: is this something I need to work on, or a relationship I need to manage?
3. (5 minutes) Identify one relationship where you suspect you’re only getting filtered information. Plan to ask directly: “What are you not telling me?”
4. (20 minutes) Put one recurring check-in on the calendar with a direct report — framed around progress and support, not correction.
5. (This week) Bring one piece of feedback to your own team: “I’m working on X, and I’d love one honest thing I could do better.” Modeling receptivity is the fastest way to build a feedback culture.
6. (Ongoing) The next time you’re told you’re “too direct,” ask for a specific example before deciding whether to change anything. Success metric: you leave with clarity, not just a feeling.

Common Mistakes Leaders Make With Feedback and Safety

• Treating every sting as truth. Not all feedback that hurts is accurate — some reflects the other person’s ego or fear, not your reality. Examine it before you internalize it.
• Defending instead of asking. Over-explaining your intentions in the moment shuts down the other person’s willingness to keep talking, even if it doesn’t feel defensive to you.
• Using accountability as punishment. If check-ins only happen when something goes wrong, people stop seeing them as safe — and stop bringing you the truth early.
• Softening yourself to avoid the double bind. Shrinking your directness doesn’t resolve the bind — it just trades one cost for another, and the research suggests the constant self-regulation itself carries a burnout cost. Shift toward influence instead of retreat.
• Reading body language as neutral. Crossed arms and a flat expression send a message about your openness to feedback whether you intend it or not.

People Also Ask

How do I know if feedback is worth taking seriously?

Notice whether it stings. Feedback that touches something true about you tends to land emotionally, even briefly. Feedback that doesn’t ring true — because it’s really about the other person’s lens or ego — is easier to release without guilt.

What is psychological safety at work?

Psychological safety is the shared belief that it’s safe to speak up, take risks, and give or receive honest feedback without fear of punishment or humiliation. It’s built through consistent follow-up and dialogue, not through the absence of accountability.

What is the double bind for women in leadership?

The double bind describes the conflicting expectation that women leaders be assertive enough to be respected but warm enough to be liked — with direct women often read as aggressive and accommodating women read as lacking authority.

How do you hold someone accountable without damaging trust?

Build accountability into regular, scheduled dialogue rather than only addressing issues when something goes wrong. Recurring check-ins framed around progress and support create accountability that feels like care, not punishment.

Should women leaders soften their communication style to avoid backlash?

Not necessarily. Shifting the goal from being right to having influence — asking more questions, staying curious about others’ perspectives — often reduces backlash more effectively than softening the message itself.

Old Mindset vs. Trust-Building Mindset

What’s New in 2026: Psychological Safety and Trust Research

• Engagement just hit a decade low. U.S. employee engagement fell to 31% in early 2026 — a collapse tightly linked to eroding psychological safety, and one that’s costing organizations heavily in lost productivity and turnover.
• Nearly half of employees rate their employer’s mental health focus poorly. 48% of employees would grade their employer’s attention to mental health and psychological safety a “C” or worse in 2026, even as it’s become one of the most talked-about workplace priorities of the year.
• The double bind has fresh 2026 data behind it. New INSEAD research confirms women leaders still face a communication bind between promotion-focused and prevention-focused framing — and separate board-level research links the constant self-regulation this requires to disproportionate leadership burnout.

Summary: The Sting Is Data, Not a Verdict

Kerry Siggins’ most painful piece of feedback became the foundation of a book — because she treated the sting as data worth examining, not a verdict to either accept wholesale or reject outright. Psychological safety isn’t the absence of hard truths; it’s the structure that lets hard truths get said, examined, and acted on without destroying the relationship. For women leaders navigating the double bind, the shift from being right to having influence changes everything about how directness lands.

Your next step starts today.

Download the FREE Leading Before You’re Ready Playbook and get the framework for navigating hard feedback and the double bind with real confidence — before you feel fully ready.

• A self-check for sorting real feedback from noise
• Scripts for staying grounded under pressure
• A framework for leading with influence, not just being right

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If you missed it, go back to Part One and get Kerry’s full SHARES framework for difficult conversations. Subscribe to the Women’s Leadership Success Podcast, leave a rating and review, and share this with a woman leader navigating a feedback moment of her own. What’s the piece of feedback that stung the most for you — and looking back, was it accurate? Tell us in the comments. If you’d like personalized support, call 707-481-6850 to schedule a free Leadership & Career Breakthrough Session.

About the Expert

Kerry Siggins is CEO of StoneAge, an employee-owned manufacturer of high-pressure water jetting equipment, and author of Talk With Trust: How to Own Feedback, Spark Growth, and Build Stronger Teams and The Ownership Mindset. She hosts The Kerry Siggins Podcast and speaks widely on trust, accountability, and ownership culture. Connect with her at kerrysiggins.com or on LinkedIn.

About Sabrina Braham

Sabrina Braham, MA, MFT, PCC, is an executive leadership coach with 30+ years of experience serving Fortune 50–1000 companies including Stanford University, Ernst & Young, and Autodesk. She hosts the Women’s Leadership Success Podcast, ranked in the top 1.5% of podcasts worldwide with 57,000+ monthly downloads.

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• Part One with Kerry Siggins: The SHARES Framework — the companion episode on difficult conversations that build trust
• Leading Before You’re Ready: The Free Playbook
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